DIGNITY OF SOULS

Serena reached up, holding her hand close to her wife’s forehead, “We could try kaetchemo if you like?”

“No, that’s OK, Mac; you need to tell the story... I like hearing you tell the story.”

“Alright, if that’s what you want. Well, anyway, before long, I found other reasons to drive me on, make me focus on getting out of there as soon as I could.”

“What sort of reasons?”

“Well, I suppose it started when I came back to my cell late one night and found a girl sitting on my bunk, crying. Fen had her arm around her, trying to console her.”

*

“This is Brown 13584,” said Fen; “she just arrived today. She had a hard time in processing. That bastard, Fischer told her Black girls automatically get their sentence doubled; and they have to give it to the guards for free.”

“Well, that’s not true.”

“No, I told her that, but she doesn’t know what to believe after everything she’s been through.”

Cindy looked at the new girl, “Listen, sweetheart, we all get treated the same in here. That might be like shit, of course, but at least we’re all equal. You’d better get back to your own cell now, though, it’s nearly curfew.”

“This is her cell, Sin; Holly’s put her in with us.”

“What? Two bunks, three prisoners, how’s that supposed to work?”

“Holly said she’s sorry, but everyone’s gonna have to start sharing three to a cell. They’re sending more prisoners, lots more, packing us in. Something to do with supply needing to meet demand, she said. She sent Brown to us, ‘cause she thought she’d fit in well, and you’d be able to look after her, help her cope; like you’ve done for me.”

“Help her cope? I can barely cope myself.”

Their collars vibrated to signal it was almost curfew. Cindy sighed. She knelt on the floor in front of the new girl and took her hand, “OK, sweetheart, that’s lights out in fifteen minutes. I know that’s gonna be scary, first night, but we’re here to help you get through it; we’ll help you get through everything, we’re your friends.”

“Thank you,” the girl mumbled, trying to smile. Cindy could see she’d be really pretty once the cuts and bruises on her face healed. “Did Fischer do that to you?” she asked.

The girl shook her head, “It’s from before.”

“OK, well, why don’t you have my bunk tonight; I’ll sleep on the floor. We’ll work out something better tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to be any trouble; I can go on the floor, if you want. It’s not fair for you to have to give up your bunk.”

“Sweetheart, nothing in here is fair, but it sure ain’t your fault.”

They settled down, Brown and Fen on the bunks, Cindy on the floor. Right on cue, as always, the buzzer sounded, the cell door slid shut, and the lights went out. The new girl’s crying turned into a deeper, more anguished sobbing. Cindy listened for a few minutes, it wasn’t easing off. She couldn’t bear it any longer. She got into the bunk beside the frightened girl and took her in her arms, “It’s alright, you’re not alone, I’m here; try to get some sleep.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“OK, then tell me about yourself, what’s your proper name, what did your friends call you, what did you do on the outside, what family you got?”

“I er, my name is Angela Rose Brown, but I, er... I like to be called Angie; my friends call me that... er, used to call me that.”

“You’ve got new friends now, Angie. I’m really pleased to meet you. You can call me Cindy, or Sin, whatever you prefer.”

“I’m... er, I was... a midwife. I only qualified a year ago, but I really love it. My parents were so proud. They, er... oh God, I miss them so much, I...”

Angie started sobbing again. Cindy let her cry for a while, holding her tight, “It’s OK, Angie, let it all out, you’ll feel better after.”

“It’s gonna be so hard for them,” Angie wailed; “I’m all they’ve got.”

“You’re an only child?”

“Yes, they couldn’t have any children, er... you know, er naturally. They adopted me when I was three.”

“Adopted you?” Cindy stiffened, pulling back from the girl.

“Yes. Why, what’s wrong?”

“It’s alright, Angie,” whispered Fen, “Sin was adopted too, but her parents didn’t treat her well.”

“Well, mine did, they were wonderful, amazing, loving parents; the best anyone could hope for.”

Cindy sighed, “I’m sorry, er... like Fen says, my parents didn’t treat me well, I didn’t mean...”

“It’s alright, I can understand, I guess things were different for you. But my mum and dad, they were brilliant; they always encouraged me, supported me, helped me get where I wanted. I just feel so sorry I’ve let them down.”

“What makes you think you’ve let them down?”

“Well, look at me; I’m in here, aren’t I?”

Cindy sighed, “Well, let’s see. Fen there, our cellmate, she never did anything wrong, she never let anyone down. We got some good friends called Luda and Vicky, they never let anyone down. Hot Chocolate, er Holly, the woman that put you in here with us, she never did anything wrong. And there’s lots of others, lots of women in here, who did nothing wrong. And, you know what, Angie, I’ve got a feeling you never did anything wrong either.”

“Well, I didn’t, no... but no-one ever believes me.”

“We believe you, sweetheart.”

“Thank you, that’s, er... that’s... oh, but God, it’s so unfair,” Angie was crying again, big, painful sobs, racking her body. “I still can’t believe it; I still can’t believe they could do that and get away with it. I was the victim, they attacked me... but I get locked up... it’s not right... it’s so fucking wrong, so upside down, it’s crazy. I worked hard, you know, I loved being a midwife, I loved helping mothers and their babies. I did lots of extra shifts, made good money, but I didn’t really care about that, it wasn’t important to me, it was the work that mattered, I loved the work. The only thing was I did buy myself a turbocar. Not new, second hand, but I kept it in good condition. One night, God I can’t believe it was only last week, I stayed at the hospital way past the end of my shift, so I could deal with a difficult delivery; see it through to the end. I didn’t want to leave until I was sure the mother and child were both stable. It was about three in the morning by then. Driving home, I get stopped by two hyenas. They started questioning me about who I was, where I’d been, where was I going, why was I out so late, it went on and on. I was really, really tired, exhausted, I’d been working twenty hours straight; I just wanted to get home to bed. The questioning carried on for nearly an hour. Finally, the hyenas told me I could go. I should have gone... I wish so much I’d just gone. But, stupidly, in my frazzled, over-tired state, I asked them why they’d pulled me over.

“One of them looked at me. I could see the contempt written all over his face. He said, ‘A blue CNX Ten Thousand was spotted lurking suspiciously near a government building earlier this evening.’

“But mine’s maroon, not blue, I protested, and he replied, ‘Yeah, obviously we realised that when we got close up.’ So, then I asked why they’d still pulled me over and questioned me for an hour, and he just shrugged. ‘Procedure,’ he said.

“And that was the moment I lost it, the moment I’m going to regret for the rest of my life, because, tired beyond my wits, I let my anger get the better of me, and I snapped, ‘It’s not fucking procedure, it’s because I’m Black, isn’t it?’

“They dragged me out of my turbocar and started to beat me with their batons. They kept shouting, ‘Stupid nigger bitch, we’ll teach you not to answer back,’ as they were hitting me, time and again. When they were done with the beating, when I was lying, bleeding and helpless on the ground, they took turns at me. They raped and abused me, for as long as they could, until they’d had enough.

“After that, they handcuffed me, bundled me into the back of their turbocar and took me to the imperial courts, where they threw me into a tiny, dark cell. I had no idea how long I was in there, it felt like weeks, but I realised later it was only days. Next thing I knew, I was being dragged into a courtroom. I’d seen my reflection on the way there, I had a black eye, I was covered in cuts and bruises, my clothes were in tatters. I could hardly walk, I was so badly beaten. They told me I was charged with two counts of assaulting an officer of the state with intent to cause grievous bodily harm. The hyenas who’d beaten and raped me were there, making the accusations in person: no cuts, no bruises, nothing. It couldn’t have been more obvious it had been the other way around, but the prosecution didn’t give a shit. They told me I would hang unless I pleaded guilty. I knew I was innocent, but no-one cared, no-one gave a damn. The prosecutor described in horrible, gruesome detail what would happen to me if I didn’t do a deal. Scared and exhausted, I accepted her offer and I pleaded guilty. All I’d done was stand up to a hyena who’d been harassing me for nothing. The bastards charged me to cover up what they’d done, and I was the one got sentenced to seven years in here.”

Cindy held her tight, “That’s awful, Angie, it’s so unjust and unfair. But you haven’t done anything wrong, you haven’t let anyone down. When your parents come to visit, they will understand.”

“Do you think they’ll forgive me?”

“They don’t need to forgive you, Angie, there’s nothing to forgive.”

*

“A couple of weeks later, Angie found out she was pregnant. It seems the sterilisation jab doesn’t always stop it if it’s already started. She hadn’t been with anyone else in over a year, so she knew it was one of the hyenas. I asked her if she was going to get rid of it, Holly knew a way, but she said, ‘No, I couldn’t, it’s a life, a person, she can’t help what her father did. I don’t care what happens, I don’t care how tough it’s gonna be, I’m going to have her.’

“I asked her how she knew it was a girl and she shrugged and said, ‘I just feel it.’ She slowly came to terms with everything that had happened. She started work; called herself Angel Cake. When visiting day came around, I think I was as nervous as she was, waiting to see how her parents would react. But, when she got back to the pod, she smiled at me and said, ‘You were right, Sin, they believed me, they told me they still love me, they’ll always love me, and they’re gonna take the baby when she comes, they’re looking forward to it. Oh, and they said to say thank you.’

“‘Thank you,’ I said; ‘for what?’

“Angie frowned at me, as if I was being stupid, and then said, ‘For looking after me, of course.’

“You were becoming quite the mother hen,” said Tosh; “It doesn’t surprise me though, you’ve always had a caring nature; I don’t think you can help yourself.”

“Well, I could hardly be a mother hen to our next recruit.”

“Why not?”

“She was eleven years older than me. I remember meeting her for the first time when we went to Luda and Vicky’s cell for our first get-together of the New Year, GIMD 182, or 2326, as we’d call it now.”

“So, who was she, how did she get there?”

“Well, if all Angie did was stand up to a hyena, arguably, Kat did even less.”